Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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