You're my little dorito
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
