I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Randomize
