When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
