I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
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