he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
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