Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
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