so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
