my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
