the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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