Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
