just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
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