I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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