my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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