My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I did not marry a roomba.
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