Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
