Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
