nut hugger
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Randomize
