When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
