That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
