Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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