is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
