at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
