WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
