I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I need to calm my uterus...
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
