he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
