the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
