I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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