He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
Randomize
