The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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