you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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