i think my mom watched the whole time
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
don't judge my taste in strippers
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
