Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
