After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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