you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
