So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
