If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I'm at about main and main street
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
