Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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