You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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