is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
