She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
