he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
