he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
cat food counts as protein by the way
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
Randomize
