You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
