After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
