i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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