someone get that fucking seahorse.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
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