I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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