if only i could text you this smell
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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