Your mouth is God's brothel.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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