I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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