I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
